MY ETERNAL SUMMER
A few hours ago, my roommate Allie said this:
“I am so excited for summer because this time, it will last forever.”
Confused by the phrasing, I replied, “What do you mean?”
“Well, we aren’t going back to school so the rest of our lives is summer.”
Holy shit.
An eternal summer? What a dream.
Orrr is it a nightmare?
Growing up, I couldn’t wait for June to come. No more homework, tests, long weeks, just summer. But at the same time, I was impatiently waiting for school to start back up again. My conflicting feelings about summer began to fester at a young age.
In elementary school, my sister and I had to go to camps for half the summer since my parents both worked full-time jobs. My dad would take a little time off, and my mom had a month off, but still. Sometimes the camps were fun, other times they weren’t, but we made the best of it.
As my sister and I got older, the camps weren’t necessary since we could stay home alone. But that’s when Anxiety moved in full time. Almost like on the first day of summer, there would be a knock on our front door, and there she is, barging in with 3 months worth of baggage for me to carry around.
All of the free time, structureless school weeks, boredom, etc. I didn’t know what to do with myself, and my mind would think itself into knots. Summer sometimes felt like a nightmare. And still kind of does.
As I enter post-grad, I can’t think of a better term for this next phase: my eternal summer.
The sun is out, the days are long, the ocean is washing up the coast of my favorite beaches, and as an adult with adult money and free will, I can do whatever I want.
While I do not have my dream post-grad job or my dream living situation lined up to go with it, summer is still coming. The sun will still rise in the sky and beam down UV 11 for optimal tanning conditions. The sun will still set at 7:00 PM with my eyes affixed on the green flash, burrito in hand, and toes in the sand. The ocean will still wash over me as I dive under each refreshing wave.
Even if it feels like the walls of water are crashing directly into me, I always pop back up.
There is always gonna be another wave. Sure, the surf calms down and the tide pulls back, but the water is always there.
Yearning to be splashed around in, and lived in for the summer season.
This season of my life feels like it is full of massive waves, one after another, that I am trying to jump over instead of swimming through.
When I was little, my friends and I would play Over Under, where you alternate jumping over or diving under the waves as they crash. When the waves would eventually get too big, you would have no choice but to dive down.
Sometimes Anxiety doesn’t let me dive, surrender to what’s coming, and just let it happen. Instead, I try to jump over the massive wave coming at me and get whisked away into the white wash. Hurdling towards the shore covered in seaweed and sand, now 30 yards behind and back where I started.
It would have made so much more sense to dive. Fully surrender. But I know next time I will still try to jump. The anxious twinge of fear that stops me in my tracks, and then it’s too late to dive, I am already colliding with the wave.
This summer season, I want to dive. I want to surrender to every uncontrollable aspect of my post-grad life and let each wave crash over me, not into me.
This summer beckons what I am calling Action Over Anxiety.
In line with Mel Robbins’ Five Second Rule, I need to get out of my head and into the real world.
Once my brain has the idea to act upon a thought, I normally think myself out of it.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5 nope, not happening!
But what if I just dove? 5, 4, 3, 2, 1! Why do I look up at the wave barrelling towards me, fear growing, and head spinning, wondering how I could ever stop it from breaking? Because I get stuck in my head.
How on earth do I expect to get my dream job, dream lease, write my best blog post, boyfriend, etc., if I live life in my mind? Newsflash: I won’t.
Jumping over waves = missed opportunities for action
How can I start diving headfirst into all areas of my life that normally leave me washed up on the shore?
By acting. By physically taking up space in the world instead of wasting mental energy.
All I have to do is act. Dive right in, with no time for hesitation or worry.
Yes, it sounds simple, but oh man is it hard.
But you are not swimming alone! I am right here with you, paddling out and popping back up.
This eternal summer I am trying to embrace is not going to be perfect and sunny. I know there will be heavy storms, some so gloomy I do not foresee their choppiness to subside. But it always does. The surf will find stillness, and the water will clear.
I always loved how the ocean looks like it is sprinkled with glitter when the sun shines directly on the surface. I would joke (and still do) that every time I go to the beach, I add a little glitter to the water, and these past 22 years, I have been single-handedly making the ocean sparkle. This is obviously not true, but it is a reminder that glitter is everywhere! You’ve just gotta have your sparkle-o-meter on:)
Quick refresh: Glitter is my umbrella term for every special detail that makes you, YOU, and me, ME. Glitter is your superpower that no one can take away from you. And if you ever feel like you are running low, don’t worry, I have been glitterifying the ocean for over two decades, so dive in!
So main takeaways:
DIVE IN!
ACTION OVER ANXIETY
RADIATE YOUR GLITTERY SELF as far as the eye can see:)
This next season of my life is going to be full of growth, glitter, and great diving form; three things we can all hold each other accountable for. I am so beyond grateful for you, yes YOU! who read all the way to this point. Thank you for encouraging me to dive deep, I will be cheering you on right back! And as always, xoxo, HAGO.
